“[People of color] are expected to educate white people as to our humanity. Women are expected to educate men. Lesbians and gay men are expected to educate the heterosexual world. The oppressors maintain their position and evade their responsibility for their own actions” - Audrey Lorde
While having conversations and engaging in open dialogue about problems of race, class and gender are important to moving forward and towards educating ourselves, we must remember that it is not the responsibility of the minority group or disempowered group to educate you.While their experiences are invaluable in understanding how sexism, racism, classism, xenophobia, etc function, we must not push them to share their stories for our own benefit. It can be painful to revisit and remember moments where people were weakened and targeted for their differences, and they should control absolutely how and to whom they share these experiences. While calling uninvited on them may be tempting for its quick results, it automatically targets them as “different” from the majority. As Audrey Lorde writes, the oppressors maintain their position of power, and at no point are they pushed to be vulnerable. However, the minority who is asked to explain their oppression is weakened and may feel humiliated. They will leave the discussions feeling more vulnerable than before, rather than better about themselves, (as the majority may end up feeling). With such a negative experience, it is unlikely that they will try sharing their story again, and so a deeper divide has been sowed between the minority and the majority.
To try to avoid these negative and detrimental situations, first you must ensure that the disempowered group is ready to share their story and that they can share it on their own terms. Wait for them to reach out to share their story, rather than putting them on the spot by asking them about it. It is also important to be transparent with what sharing such vulnerable experience can entail. Not everyone will leave these discussions feeling better and there will be moments of discomfort, and it is critical that you relay this information to those attending and to those who may choose to share their stories.